Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
