I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Drunk is a universal language darling
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
