Fuck appropriateness.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
