I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
