your room smells of hookers.
And success
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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