I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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