If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
