Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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