the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
