So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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