Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
