Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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