my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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