and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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