hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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