I'm sorry my penis didn't work
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
