well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
