chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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