I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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