Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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