There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
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