walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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