Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
