Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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