Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize