I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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