tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
