Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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