my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
