I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
