Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize