I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
