Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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