since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
