i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
