If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
