Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
