I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
