she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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