think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
