the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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