Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
