I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You pole danced in your parka.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
