We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
