Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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