Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
