Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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