So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
