How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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