dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
