I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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