dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
