Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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