Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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