I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
