I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
