This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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