First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
