Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
