I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Four minutes until I can fart!
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize