She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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