Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Randomize
