Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
