i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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