when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
