im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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