I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
