Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
sex in a hospital.. check
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
