i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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