What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize