I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Success! We fucked roommates!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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