I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
