the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
