I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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