He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
