did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Randomize
