My boss' voice literally gives me gas
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
